2010, Book 4: Tweak

I absolutely love reading about addiction. My mother is a recovering addict who got clean when I was about twelve and ever since then, I have just really enjoyed reading both fiction and non fiction about addiction. I can say, with ease, that Tweak has just moved into the spot of being my favorite memoir about addiction. I have never been able to relate so well to the author as I was to Nic Sheff. He likes the same music and movies as I do, has the same interests, enjoys the same past times and he happens to be pretty close to my age.

I'm not an addict. But I have a very addictive personality and over the years have had to take a step back (more than once) from drinking, partying, and drugging. However, I have been reading about addiction since I was a very young teen and I always liked it because I could relate to the children or loved ones of the addicts but I was never really able to relate to the addicts themselves, unless I related them to my mother. Reading Nic Sheff's perspective was a breath of fresh air to me.

I think that because my mother was an addict when I was young I have this kind of misconception that addicts and drunks have to be older than me. I still see it as an adult disease, because my mom was the adult. I haven't quite wrapped my brain around the fact that now I am an adult too. I have friends that are addicts, I have experimented with drugs, and I even know people that have died as a result of drug abuse. However, when I was reading Tweak and learning about how Nic Sheff felt, how he saw himself, and what actually drove him to abuse drugs, it was like peering into my own mind.

Nic was always plagued by insecurity, undiagnosed mental illness, doubt, confusion about his parents and step parents, fear of his step parents, a sense that he didn't belong, and a confused desire to imitate the lives of the people he idolized. These are common reasons why addicts use, but for me to read about an addict of a similar age using for the same reasons that I have in the past was completely eye opening. To understand his need for numbness and to understand his need to hurt himself was to gain a better understanding of myself.

I would recommend that any and every one who has been touched by addiction or who has an interest in addiction pick this book up and read it. Walking a mile with Nic Sheff could be invaluable in helping any reader to understand either themselves or their loved ones. I wish Nic the best in his continued battle toward full recovery and I genuinely thank him for sharing his story with me.